Sunday, Mar 18th

Last update02:43:24 PM GMT

Moving to America…

Tran Quang Thang


“The American Dream” – like what I have heard in some movies, it is truly a sentence that makes me curious about the country called The United States of America. I still remember when I was in grade 7; I have wanted to go to the US so much, for a simple reason: I hate the school in here – Viet Nam. And, now my dream has been granted, we (my family) are going to move to USA in a couple of weeks.

The question is, why don’t I feel like when I was years ago? It is hard to express, excitement – yes, confusing – yes, sorrow – also yes.

That is going to be a big change for me.

It’s just like a dream. Today you are studying in Viet Nam, hanging out with your guys, cheering, laughing, and dreaming… hands in hands with your girlfriend, full of happiness. Tomorrow everything is vanished, you are now thousands kilometer away from them. Yeah, I know I’m still living on planet Earth, not somewhere with aliens, but however, that distance is actually a big problem.

I know that we humans are always changing to adapt to the new environment where we are in. I also know that I could have new friends, new happiness when I move to the new land; and, I do know that maybe, there will be a day that I’m no longer remember my friends now at all. That sounds cruel, but this is life, can’t do anything but to accept.

Yeah I accept. But, the problem now is not about the things that “might happen”, but are those which are currently happening. Saying goodbye to your friends, my parents keep telling me that it will be hard at the beginning, but lateral things will be alright. My mother also told me that moving to America is “just a test” and I can move back after months if I feel like I cannot adapt. But, God damn it, I do know that these were lies. How on Earth can I go back after months? If I do that, I waste 2 year of studying, life is not a game and I think that I’m old enough to know that.

My parents also say about nice things in the US, and that I’m gonna like them immediately when I see and live in. This I have no idea, I haven’t seen them yet, so can’t have any comments. Maybe it is true, maybe not, but most of the people who have been to America told me the same, so there is a reason for me to trust that there will be something nice there, maybe. I admit that I’m a bit curious, together with excitement when thinking of the new life, new things are great.

But most confusing, you know, in my age, we often get stuck with “relationships”. I’m now 19 years old and – yes – I’m having a girlfriend. This could sound like something that we don’t often hear people sharing on a community, but this is real, real trouble.

On June 29th 2012, when the news came – I mean the announcement that our Visas have been approved – I’m a bit sad, actually, when thinking about moving away from the one I love. It could sound a bit disappointing to some, maybe there will be a lot of people say that I’m crazy – that America is the best, and I can have a nice job, a better life lateral if I move, that I sound be happy, laughing and rushing to my girlfriend then say: “I’m moving to the US next month, wait for me 3 years and I will marry you”. I’m so sorry, I don’t feel like that.

I’m not putting my personal emotion here, just to tell what have happened around me on this day. My parents and relatives were super happy, my girlfriend said cheer to me, but cried all the day long. Next day, things kept on moving in the same way, she, one side, say that I will be fine there, that my future will be good – that also what my parents said. But, at night, she said she cried a lot.

Am I hurting? Yes I am. Why don’t I feel happy? How can I be happy when my friends are like that?

They told goods and optimistic things, but lateral they cried all the way, how can I be happy with that?

Yes I know that is a challenge that I have to accept. I also know that once I moved there, I can even refuse to go back to Viet Nam. I know that I will change.

But I change for what? For my future, I admit that I haven’t been to America, I can’t foreseen all the opportunities there, I can’t say that the US is bad because my friends cried when I move there, because I haven’t live in there. So I don’t know, how can I tell? So my future might be better.

But is that a reason? Isn’t life here – in Viet Nam – good? I can’t say a single word when my friend asked me: “Why do you have to move when you are happy in here?” – Yes. Why?

Our family is moving in the K1 condition – which means if I decline to go, my mother and my sister have to stay here. So, it is a must to sacrifice something for the good of them. No, I can’t tell that a scarification, it’s just to accept a change that I don’t feel like I need it.

What can I do? – Sometimes I ask myself that question, my real emotion now is that I don’t want to change. I don’t want to lose my friends – I know that I will lose them once I go – but also can’t decline the process. How can I come and tell my parents that “I don’t want to move, god damn it, why do you force me to go and say that I must lose all my friends in exchange of having a god damn chance in the US”?

I know that they did it for the good of me, but I have a feeling like they never have considered that whether I like that “good” or not. I want to stay, that is my answer in my true heart.

But, however, I’m fine to move, it is not a really big problem, just because I can’t do anything to hurt the good of my mother and sister.

Why do you force me to change something I love? Why do you force me to leave aside all my precious memories just because a “good future” that I might have if I go?

Why have to change when we are happy here?

I can’t answer, someone tell me please.

However, words are useless, feelings are stupid. Maybe it is because I haven’t been to America, maybe I will get to like the new life somehow. Yeah I trust. In God I trust.

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